Sex or Love: What Happens When We Get the Two Confused

When I was 15, filled with hormones, I was lucky enough to go on a 3-week, 19-country whirlwind tour of Europe with 24 high school girls and 11 other high school boys. Our eyes burned from the excess pheromones as natural adolescent attraction filled the bus, plane, train -- whatever the mode of transportation.

The oldest girl on the trip was having a little "thing" with the French tour guide. We didn't know if it was sex, but we knew they were always together and she got very special attention. We imagined all kinds of things. But all we talked about was sex.

I was very naïve. All I knew about sex was what I'd gleaned from stolen glances at my uncle's Playboy, and the stories (or lies) told by my other friends.

Sex seemed to be really important. "If you really loved me, then you'd . . . " That seemed to be boys' favorite lines with girls. "If you really loved me . . ." And the pressure was on. Sex became inextricably entwined with love in my 15 year-old mind.

Sex is great, but it ain't love. Man, did it take me a long time to figure that out, even when it was clearly demonstrated in front of me on the that trip.

While in Frankfurt, Germany, we had some free time. A few of us guys found the red light district immediately. We walked and gawked at the women sitting in the storefront windows selling sex. Our eyes couldn't take it all in. What a concept: Sex for sale in the open on the street like a pair of shoes. As we walked by a sex mall (of sorts) called Crazy Sexy, I watched a young woman dressed provocatively get out of a car, lean in, kiss the man driving and the kids in the back seat. She walked into Crazy Sexy. So did we.

It was one of the strangest moments in my life.

Crazy Sexy was a large room, kind of like a warehouse, with women sitting on stools near pillars, on display. There in the middle of the room sat the woman I'd seen earlier in the street. It was more than my little 15 year-old mind could handle. Is sex love or is sex business? How can she do that? Judgments flew.

Where I came from sex was verbotten. It was something to be shared with someone special. But then again, if the opportunity arose. . . It was so confusing.

As I get older, I'm learning that love isn't so complicated. It's constant unlike those feelings I associated with sex that were so manic. Love is spending time with your chosen mate, listening, supporting, enjoying, sharing. It's understanding the priority in life -- love of spirit, love of spouse, love of family.

And there's such peace that comes with love.

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