How to Make First Sex Fabulous Sex

The heat is on. You can literally feel it arcing between you. Whether it’s an enticing stranger you’ve just met or a special someone you’ve been slowly getting to know, you’re aware that now is the time to take your connection to the physical level. You can sense that she’s about ready to hop into bed and you damn well know that you are. So how do you make this first time with someone new a glorious moment you’ll both fondly remember rather than a nightmare you’d just as soon forget?

The first thing to zero in on is attitude. What exactly is it you want from this coming sexual encounter -- a lusty one night romp or the beginning of a longstanding passionate relationship?

There certainly is nothing wrong with a one-night stand. There is something extremely exciting about sex with a stranger, with absolutely no strings attached. Many women feel this way, not only men. What we all have to be careful about is simply using the other person, treating them as an object only for our satisfaction.

No one likes being treated as an object. No one likes being used for someone else’s purpose. Men typically use women as sex objects. But just as often women treat men as success objects. What does it mean to treat a person as an object? It means you use that person to get what you want without particular regard to what happens to them or how they feel. At one extreme you would not even care if you actually cause harm. More frequently harm is not intended, but the well being of the person you are using is of little or no concern to you. What is of concern to you is to get what you want, which in this case is sex.

When you want sex and you do anything necessary to get it you are using the woman as a sex object. You may lie and otherwise be deceitful about what is really going on. You may pretend to care or be interested in her, but all you really want is to get laid. After you get what you want, you disappear and she never hears from you again. You don’t call. You may not even say hello on the street. You may feel contempt or disgust toward her for having had sex with you. But this is really a disguised form of self-contempt and self-hatred projected onto women. It is very unhealthy and in the long run will leave you alone, lonely, bitter and cynical. This is hardly a prescription for happiness.

Quick sex between consenting adults is not about using each other as an object, assuming both of you understand what is happening, and no deceit is involved. We call this scenario “no-strings sex.” With no-strings sex, both parties understand that it is not intended that you will ever see each other again. You do not exchange addresses or phones or personal histories. This situation ranks high on the list of most common fantasy for both men and women. The sex may be extremely hot and passionate. Both lovers may feel an extraordinary freedom and be willing to let go completely, dropping their usual sexual shyness and restraint. Often they will experiment with and allow themselves to enjoy what they would only dream of doing, but never allow themselves to do with someone they knew or were in an ongoing relationship with. They may experiment with things they did not even dream were possible.

There are only two rules for no-strings sex. They are very simple rules.

Rule #1: Mutual consent for everything is mandatory. By “mutual consent” we mean that all aspects of your lovemaking are agreed to by both. You meet together on the sexual playing field as equals. No one gets physically hurt. When your partner says “I don’t want to do that” or “stop, that hurts” you must stop instantly. This is where “no” always means no.

Rule #2: Don’t try to find her later!

The other type of first time encounter is with someone with whom you intend to have an ongoing relationship. We will call this scenario “relationship sex.” With relationship sex, it is understood by both of you that there may be an ongoing relationship after the sex. In fact, it would be quite normal for relationship sex to take place after you have been seeing each other for some time. In this scenario sex is not the start of the relationship, but a deepening of it. It is also quite common for a relationship to start with a sexual encounter. If the sex rocks the earth, or even if it is just pretty good, you may want to go further into relationship to see if you can connect on other important levels and make something work together in the longer run. This could evolve into living together or even marriage.

The first rule for no-strings sex also applies to relationship sex. 1. Mutual consent for everything is mandatory. In addition to this rule there are a few others to keep in mind. 2. Great respect is mandatory. 3. Great caring is mandatory. 4. Open, honest communication is mandatory. 5. Gentleness is used as required, and roughness is used as mutually desired.

The Rules

1. Mutual consent for everything is mandatory. If you do not both enjoy it, what is the point? Remember, we are not using each other, we are loving each other. It is certainly all right for one partner to try things because the other person likes it even if they don’t, but this is a gift freely given and cannot be required.

2. Great respect is mandatory. Respect implies that you are aware of what the other person wants. You are willing to discover what they are capable of and what their sexual limits are. Your lover may have been injured psychologically or emotionally from past relationships. In fact this will almost certainly be the case, almost everyone has had their heart broken at least once. At the extreme, they may have experienced sexual abuse as a child. They may feel insecure about their sexuality. They may suffer from low self-esteem as a lover. They may be quite inexperienced in sexual technique. You must be extremely patient and ever so sensitive to the messages they send out about how fast to proceed, what to do and not do. Talk openly to establish the boundaries of your sexuality. Then experiment to push back the boundaries at a pace you can both find comfortable and safe.

3. Great caring is mandatory. Love is always given and received as a gift. It has been said that there is no such thing as bad sex, that sex without love can still be great sex, but sex with caring adds a warmth that connects two hearts and souls together. This is sex beyond technique. Sex with caring leaves the lovers filled. Sex with love leaves the lovers overflowing. It is caring that moves sex beyond the physical to allow for the creation of a deeper spiritual connection. Most men want an emotional connection and most would welcome a more spiritual experience of sex, but they are afraid and they just haven’t learned how to do it yet. Most women quite frankly, require the emotional connection as the price of entry.

4. Gentleness is used as required, and roughness is used as mutually desired. With mutual consent anything goes. But it is usually best to start out with more gentleness and progress to more roughness only as you learn that she wants it and likes it. Many women like a playful roughness as long as they feels truly safe. But if you have not established a high degree of trust with her, roughness prematurely can end what could have been an excellent long-term sexually passionate relationship.

5. Open, honest communication is mandatory. Talk about sex. Tell each other what you like and dislike. A good way to do this is to always offer choices A and B and ask which she likes best. This avoids the damage to fragile egos that young men are so prone to when they are learning about a new lover. If a man hears, “I don’t like that” it is very easy for him to have his feelings hurt and this may cause him to withdraw, or get angry, or react in some dysfunctional way. But if you give your women, for example, the choice between fondling her breasts this way, or this way, and ask which is best, you will not have your feelings hurt, and you will quickly learn what she really likes. This is how a lover becomes a great lover.

If you need to have your imagination stimulated to know what to try, read any of several great lover’s manuals available in good bookstores everywhere. Then use the A-or-B technique to find out about your woman specifically. Here are a few titles to look for. You can order these from our web site if you can’t find them in your local bookstore.

“Soul Sex: Tantra for Two”, by Pala Copeland and Al Link

“The Art of Sexual Ecstasy: The Path of Sacred Sexuality for Western Lovers” by Margo Anand

“How to Make Love All Night (And Drive a Woman Wild: Male Multiple Orgasm and Other Secrets for Prolonged Lovemaking)” by Barbary Keesling

“The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld

“How to Overcome Premature Ejaculation” by Helen Singer Kaplan

Once you’ve honestly considered your attitude you can move into the physical aspects of loving: like the setting, foreplay, afterplay and all the juicy bits in between. In the East there is a long tradition of the warrior lover – a man who has prepared himself physically, emotionally and mentally for the great and glorious battle between the sheets. This is not for dominating or defeating your lover but for skillfully bringing out the best in both of you so you can rise to new heights in your sexuality.

The idea of creating the right ambience for lovemaking may seem artificial or calculated, but there is an art to great loving and why not bring out the artist in yourself? A secluded place, candlelight, music, wine, food and clean sheets may sound like a trite scene from an old James Bond movie but they still hold true. Women love to be adored and creating a special place for loving shows that you care about what they want too.

It has become common knowledge that foreplay is very important in bringing a woman to sexual satisfaction. She takes longer to become aroused to the point where she can match you in intensity of desire. But what is also essential is afterplay. When you’ve come to a happy climax don’t just roll over and go to sleep or get up and go home. Even though your hormones may be telling you you’re finished, your lover won’t be. Take the time and make the effort to show your appreciation and caring through some tender cuddling and soft words or by sharing some food and conversation. You’ll benefit too from staying in love’s sweet afterglow.

Finally, it shouldn’t have to be said but it still does, always, always practice safe sex. Use condoms and dental dams until you are certain you’re in a completely monogamous relationship and you’ve both had AIDS tests. Remember good first time sex with someone means no one gets hurt, during loving or afterwards.

Al Link and Pala Copeland own and operate 4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra. They regularly host Tantra Sacred Loving weekends near Ottawa Canada, and weeklong retreats in exotic locations around the planet. For more information call toll free from Canada or USA: 1-800-684-5308 International long distance: 1-819-689-5308. Visit their website http://www.tantra-sex.com/ or send email: 4freedoms@tantraloving.com Their book, Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, is published by New Page Books, 2003.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Al_Link

Sexy Butt & Body Transformation.

Joey Atlas began training women in the early 90's- just after graduation from State University at New York, with a Bachelor's Degree in Exercise Physiology.

Just like every other fitness pro, he started his career in the healthclubs - using typical weights and machines to train female clients. The results were good, but Joey knew that they could be much better.

After one year in the healthclub scene he decided to start on his own by giving personal training in people's homes.

He started doing research on the primairy types of muscle contractions done with body weight exercises, in a certain way in regards to movement tempo,order of exercises and how they were grouped together.

Based on his findings, he immediately created a laser targeted program that was completely focused on the most troublesome areas of the female body - the leggs,butt, hips, thighs and lower stomach.

The results were mind-boggling - Joey became the busiest trainer in town - and had a long waiting list of female clients. The changes that these women were experiencing were even surprising for Joey, because they were much better than anything he had seen in the gym.

According to Joey Atlas, the Women's trainer, there are 5 critical facts you must know, if you want to turn your lower body into a firm and sexy work of art with a few simple exercises.

1. The several hundred muscles in your legs,butt, hip, thigh and lower stomach have to be exercised correctly and in harmony with each other in order to give you definite results, without the use of weights and machines. Three types of muscle contractions combined are the magic behind Joey's method.

2. Regardless of your lower body goals, the "right combination" of exercise variables will give you better results and in a shorter period of time.

3. Age, genetics and body type have much less impact on how your body looks and feels, than you may have been to believe by traditional media, your family and friends or your doctor. Your body is quite adaptable when treated properly "with the right program".

4. You can't improve or enhance your leg, butt, hip, thigh or tummy areas with cellulite creams,lotions, wrap treatments, diet / fat burning pills, butt enhancement supplements or any other money wasting scam that sounds to good to be true.

5. You'll make remarkable improvements in your worst trouble spots and most stubburn problem areas if you do simple yet carefully structured body weight exercises,which combine all three types of muscle movements: Concentric, Eccentric and Isometric. This is a crucial factor for women that can't be addressed with typical weights and machine type exercise programs.

So, there is no other progam on the market that combines all three types of muscle contractions into one method. Infomercials have a literal monopoly or exercise gadgets that target specific areas of the body, for the male or female gender. The main problem however is that the vast majority type of most ,simply don't deliver on promised results.

Article Source:
http://www.articlecity.com/articles/women/article_3046.shtml

Great Sex Life For Seniors

A good sex life for adults over 60 depends largely on health conditions and lifestyle. Younger folks generally have a hard time believing that their aging parents (or even grandparents!) might still be sexually active; the truth is only 5% of those considered over-the-hill feel that sex is only for the young ones. Having a sexual relationship is important, even if the couple is over 60. Romance, intimacy and sex go hand-in-hand—most couples have sex at least once, even three times a week. However, various health issues which commonly plague this age group may contribute to the loss of sexual drive.

The baby boomers who survived the flower-power days started sexual freedom over 40 years ago. For a lot of seniors over 60, the sexual revolution is still alive and kickin’ although it is an undeniable fact that a lot is also experiencing problems in getting the va-va-vroom back in the boudoir. What are these common problems? Read on and learn how to keep your sexual torch burning. Sexual arousal does not ebb as the person grows older. Aging is a period in life that every person will eventually go through—it does not mean that a person suddenly becomes physically or sexually unappealing or become less interested in sex as part of the aging process.

But, as a person ages, sex can be more challenging. Problems that can interfere with a senior’s sex life include: erectile dysfunction, bladder problems and disability, as well as asthma and heart problems. Arthritis, obesity, smoking, alcohol and a sedentary lifestyle also contribute to the decrease in one’s sexual drive. These conditions are easily treated with proper medication if addressed early. A common drug used by seniors is Viagra, the wonder pill for erectile dysfunction and impotence. A couple must be aware of each other’s physical conditions and problems, no matter how embarrassing it is (such as creaking bones and leaking bladder).

After all, honesty is the best policy—and being honest with your partner is one way to avoid being embarrassed with whatever ailment you may have. Slowing of responses during aging is normal. Sexual arousal may be harder to achieve—this too, is not impossible to overcome. Be open to your partner about what turns you on and what’s difficult for you. This may also be the time for you to experiment new and different positions that best suit your needs and physical condition. Books dealing with sex in later life are easily found in bookstores; articles and tastefully written materials are readily found on the internet, with vast collections of ideas about helpful positions and sex toys that may help increase one’s desires.

Couples therapy, as well as a trip to a sex therapist is also helpful for couples dealing with physical changes that are brought about by aging. Aging does not end sex. It should be a wondrous experience for people of any age and should only stop when a person decides to do so. Age does not dictate what is right or wrong; instead, it provides more opportunities to explore different ways to have a more enjoyable sex life. Just as with the young folks, a satisfying sex life is achieved by being open to one another, taking the time to talk and consider the needs of one’s partner, and being bold enough to experiment and have fun.

Premature Ejaculation a Warm Up to Great Sex

So what if some guys have trouble holding their load? There are millions of men each day that suffer from rapid or Premature Ejaculation (PE), and if your one of them its time to quit your crying and do something about it. The first step to a resolution is to admit you have a problem.

After a wonderful evening with the woman of your dreams, it’s time to head back to your place. Afraid to “blow” your chances with this beauty, you grab a bottle of wine in an attempt to distract her. Maybe she won’t notice your little issue and hopefully she will give you a chance for a second date. Oh no! Your plan didn’t work; she’s ready for action. Before removing her panties, you have already climaxed and are too embarrassed to move. In a panic, you pretend you don’t want to go any further, hoping she didn’t notice. There’s no need to be humiliated, tell her your situation and let her know that she’s not being rejected.

If you are sexually attracted to another, sexual arousal is natural and not something to be ashamed of. Inform your partner that you are prone to PE. Talk it over, just because you shot one load does not mean there is not another one waiting to take its place. Let your mate know that the thought of her gets you very aroused so you need to slow down and enjoy foreplay. It is a rare woman that wouldn’t like the oven preheated and wants that extra foreplay. With a bit of extra stimulation it doesn’t take long for most men to once again become aroused. Talking openly can bring you both, mentally and physically closer to each other. If this is someone you care about and want to have a relationship with, then they should understand your needs and work with you for after all you are a team.

There are a few ways to help build stamina and learn ejaculatory control. It is said that a lot of men ejaculate prematurely due to their youth. Your masturbation during youth may have had to be quick in an attempt to avoid being caught by parents, siblings and the family dog. Since masturbation was rushed, it is quite possible that one would be conditioned to getting it off fast and has remained that way. Now is the time to break that habit and develop some new ones. First though it is helpful to understand the phases of sexual response as you get on the road to recovery.

Masters and Johnson found that the physiological reaction to male and female sexual stimulus could best be described by dividing the cycles of sexual response into four separate phases – Excitement, Plateau, Orgasmic and Resolution. The male will almost always pass through all four of these phases. The Excitement Phase develops from any source of physical or mental stimulation and at this time the erection will begin and breathing start to become heavier. In the Plateau Phase the arousal is continued and the erection hard and firm as you feel highly aroused. For the male, the Orgasmic Phase is experienced at the time of ejaculation. During the Resolution Phase breathing returns to normal and the erection subsides.

Your goal is to delay the Orgasmic Phase (ejaculation) and that can be done with a bit of practice. When masturbating, try to pace yourself. Every time you feel like you’re about to climax, stop and wait 30 seconds. It will be extremely annoying at first, but try to do this for as long as you can. Whenever you masturbate, try and outlast your previous time. Keep track of how often you’re able to stop yourself. This can work with a mate as well.

You and your partner can practice different techniques to help condition you. Oral sex can be a good way to kick off the night. Since oral is not as intense as penetration, one can easily lie back and enjoy the show. This act will allow you to focus on holding back instead of thrusting. If the urge to ejaculate arrives make your mate aware. This should tell your mate to stop. If you feel the need to release, do so, but try not to force the orgasm. If you avoid a heavy orgasm your penis won’t become as soft and sensitive. In doing so, you should be able to keep going. This is when you take the time to pleasure your mate while keeping yourself aroused and ready to go. Foreplay is very important in a relationship and this is a great way to get the party started. When your mate’s oven is finished preheating, try having intercourse.

During intercourse, try and pace yourself. Lay back and have your mate ride you for a bit. If you have the urge to climax, signal your mate to be still. This is a great way to tease each other while extending your fun. Often, a girl will get extremely wet just sitting on your penis anticipating the thrust. When she least expects it, open fire with an abundance of thrusts. This technique may cause you to climax, but it’s guaranteed to put a permanent smile on her face.

Just remember you are not alone. Premature ejaculation is the most common sexual complaint among men. Through practice, slowing down and learning how to control your ejaculation your orgasms will become greater as will your mates and she will hardly be able to wait for that next lovemaking session.

Author : Terrance Lile
Source : http://www.articlecity.com